Monday, May 15, 2006

Aging and other fun facts of life.

Oh my god. I'm 20 years old. No fucking way. Sorry.. this may be hard for some of you to understand, but once in a while this thought hits me and I start freaking out. I hate this state of interdependence that I'm in. It's weird enough that what I consider "home" is no longer my permanent residence, but pretty soon, I'm not going to even go back home for summers. No more pretty white house on Cramer Road.. no more hilarious dad with great advice who never takes himself too seriously, mom that takes care of everything so effortlessly and makes my life so much more comfortable, fashionable and beautiful older sister that there is so much more to than anyone gives her credit for, shy but good hearted older brother that is branching out more and more every day... I mean, they're all still there but not in the same way. I miss when we all lived in the same house. We're all so scattered now.

I spoke to my brother the other day, and he said that he would like to move back to the east coast. He hates being so far from the family. I really wish that he does. I would hate to live too far away from my sister and brother. Location is such a shitty thing. I hate the effects geographics have on people's relationships. I love what I've gained by going away to school, but I hate what I lost, and I hate how I'm continually realizing what I'm really losing.

I guess I should just relax. Isn't this why people start their own families? But will it ever measure up? Will I ever measure up as an adult? Honestly, this sounds terrible but sometimes I wish I didn't have a good home life so I wouldn't be longing for it back.

I just want to be seven years old again. The five of us together. Virtually free of mistakes. Curious about life to no end. I was so much more creative too. Sure, it didn't have direction, but so what? I didn't even understand the concept "direction." Nots in my hair, that has yet to be ruined by home- bleaching in order to attain god knows what. Chocolate on my face, but it didn't matter. It was only "cute." People didn't judge me the same way. Now I am always being judged. I am always judging myself. I keep erasing lines, but I'm not going to anymore, because that's just more judgement. How can I be so hypocritical?

I am acting about half my age. Everything's come a couple of years late. I guess it's bad to complain. Everything's good. Everything's great.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Eight arms could be useful

At the present moment it is quite possible that there is a poisonious, blood thirsty spider crawling around on my bed, just waiting to infect me with whatever sort of disease those things can carry. I had noticed the son of a bitch crawling on my ceiling while I was lying down, reading. Book in hand, I reached up to end it's precious two weeks on earth, but when I released the book from the chalky, espestus ridden ceiling a smooshed spider was not to be found. Then Meagan chimed in, "I think it fell."

"Was it alive when it fell?" I asked.

She didn't answer for a moment, then very unassuradely stated "I think so. It looked dead."

"Where did it fall?"

"Like, on your bed or underneath." Yikes... I looked around my bed a bit. Maybe I should have torn it apart to conduct a more thorough search, but I guess I don't value my life that much. Well, whatever. I guess if I start growing extra arms, or my night vision begins improving I'll start to worry. Although, those may not be the warning signs of an infectious spider bite, unless of course those cheesy B horror movies are based on real life medical accounts.

Right now, I'm quite ready to go home. I'm sick of the parties, sick of the boring town, sick of socializing with way too many people that I know don't give a shit about me (FYI- not a personal attack on anyone in particular). I'm looking forward to being home with my family, my record player, home cooked meals, and my mindless 9-5 job at a drugstore. Not saying I'm not going to be bored out of my skull and itching to return by the end of the summer... but for right now it seems preferable.

Another party tonight I guess...

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ- It's 5:00 in the morning!!

That's right- the fire alarm went off at 5:00 in the morning on Monday night, well, OK I guess it was Tuesday morning. That sucked. It was pretty cold out, and it took me a while to go back to sleep. I stayed up till probably around 6:30. What I want to know is what moron started a fire at 5 in the morning? Probably some drunken microwave incident. Not saying I haven't had a few of those in the past...

Tuesday was actually a pretty great day. No, I didn't get to go camping, nor did I most likely preform semi- decently on my first final, but O'Mara's dinner was pretty spectacular. His wife is one hell of a cook. She made this great chicken, noodles, green beans, on top of all sorts of orderbs and desert.. mmm... lemon squares. It was so nice to get a home cooked meal to hold me over until I get home. One more week of this cafeteria food is wayyy too much.

The pub was beyond fun last night. The bands were killer, and I've never seen it so crowded. Pretty much everyone I know was there. I sort of did something that could've gotten me arrested... but Lucas started it! Can't blame me for being a follower. I'm a product of society I guess. We just took our pants off and started dancing like that in the middle of the pub. Yea, it got a reaction. Mainly complementary, but there was also a lot of "What are you doing?" and "You should really put your pants back on.." I'm a little embarassed I guess. Wait, no I'm not. Sorry, I briefly forgot that I have no shame.

That night was pretty insane. Fueled by hard liquor and bad influences. I didn't hook up with anyone, even though I don't think I was ever blatantly hit on by so many guys in one night. The strange thing is I was well aware that most of them had girlfriends. I also had to pick one of my friends up.. not like with a car, like literally. He was lying down in the middle of the road.

This morning I smoked way too much and was pretty much a walking zombie the whole entire day.

Oh well, I suppose that's all the exciting news I have to report. I have a composition final tomorrow, maybe I should study...

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Monday, May 08, 2006

All I want for summer is my fucking wisdom tooth!!

God damn, this hurts like a mother fucker!!! I got 1,2,3 wisdom teeth. Up until now, I never cared. I figured "Ok, I'm just sort of a freak." No such luck, it turns out I am a normal human being and probably from the planet earth. My fourth wisdom tooth is arriving slowly but surely. My mouth hurts so bad. I stick my finger in the back of my mouth more than the average bulemic person to massage my aching gums.

Just come in already...

What else? Ah, I drank some Shmirnoff tonight with and banana liquor tonight with Allie and Tom. I really want to go camping with a bunch of crazy cats tomorrow, but I have a debate dinner to go to at Dr. O'Mara's at 6, and college camp closes at 7:30. I can't eat and run.. so I don't know if it will work out. I really want to try and make it though. The time is ideal. Classes are officially done tomorrow.

For the first time ever I don't feel it's come too soon. I feel as though this year has left no significant trail behind, and whatever minor details need to be sorted through, can most certianly wait until next year. I'm totally ready to take a break for the summer, and then return in the fall with an array of new hopes, motives, and of course.. an eye on the opposite sex. This summer will allow me some time to breathe, seeing as though I recently broke off a relationship. I don't usually meet very many new people at home, so I guess this is how it's going to be, three months, and no sex. Ouch.

Monday, bloody monday

Woke up this morning to my monthly visitor. That's always a hell of a way to start your day. I had one of the roughest menstraul days of my life. All day I felt tired, too hot, and just generally out of it. Now, after sleeping on the couch with some old Luke Wilson movie on, I finally feel as though I can walk amongst the living.

Yesterday I beat Tom at pool, but only because he accidentally knocked two of my balls in. I swear that I have got to be one of the worst pool players in the world. For the life of me, I can't figure out why I am so bad at it. I used to play kind of a lot, but I stopped because no matter how often I played I never seemed to improve at all, which... is of course a little bit discouraging. Sucks though, I always had this secret dream of getting really good at pool so I could hustle people. Think about it. I'd be perfect for it. Who wouldn't want to play a high stakes pool game with a small white girl from the suburbs? It would be totally bad ass. I've played the scenario out in my mind several times. It goes a little something like this...

I'd be wearing something especially lame, like a Neil Diamond World Tour t- shirt (which I've been meaning to order off e- bay) and I'd walk up to some bad ass looking biker guy and be like "My mom just gave me 100 dollars, and I can't figure out what to do with it? You want to play me for it. I've played a few times..." then he'd snap his fingers and a slew of other biker guys would come out. He'd smile with a mouth full of yellow, rotting teeth, and the game would begin. He would say "Do you want to break up the balls, or should I?" "Oh no sir" I'd say "I'm far too frail and weak. You'd better do it." Then I'd start off a bit slow, at first... then on the thrid or fourth try I'd get about five balls in at once. "Jeepers. How did that happen?" Eventually. I'd win the game after a lot of showy moves where I'd bounce the ball over the other ones and climb up on the table and close my eyes like I saw on TV once. Maybe I'd even do a few behind my back.
Then the biker would have to give his money, and he may even cry in front of all the biker guys after the embarassment of losing to a 20 year old girl in a Neil Diamond shirt. Alas, it can't happen because I can't even make a ball in unless it's some sort of amazingly easy set up that the average 5 year old who can't even see over the pool table could get in.

I also watched The Breakfast Club in the Red Dragon theatre, which was very 1985. I find myself strangely attracted to Anthony Michael Hall...

Sunday, May 07, 2006


The day after friday...

Big day yesterday! I didn't get out of my pajamas until around 8:30 pm. What the hell did I do all day? Oh yea, I was talking on aim all morning till about 12:30 when I went to eat with Tom and Allie. We came back and watched Saw 2, which was only slightly more retarded than Saw. We watched some South Park, they left, and I watched That 70's Show. It was a newer episode, which blows. That show has gone way down hill. I hate Donna with blonde hair. Even worse, I didn't see Eric's slutty sister once! Did she leave the show? Still, it remains as one of the most well- written sitcoms on TV. I liked when Eric asked Donna what kind of food he was, expecting her to say something kinky, and she was like "a twizzler." Also, I caught the last half hour or so of Sorority Boys on Comedy Central. That movie was funnier than I thought it would be. They were fighting with dildos like they were light sabers in one scene. To make a long story short, I wasted a whole day.

My night was better. I went to the pub with Ashley. The Gambler, Nun, and the Radio were playing. The pub is freakin weird on Saturdays. Mainly older people, and sorority kids that don't even like music. One old woman started dancing with Ashley and I to the GNR set, which was pretty awesome. She looked more like she was doing some sort of cardio vascular work out, but all the same, I hope I'm that cool when I'm her age. When I went to get a pitcher, another aging townie woman, who just happened to be standing right next to me at the bar, was raving and ranting about wanting to kill someone who I assumed to be her husband. She was actually quite descriptive in what she wanted to do to him. This was pleasant, she said she wanted to hammer a nail through his forehead. Then she was like, "If I had a gun, I'd shoot him right now." Needless to say I took my pitcher and ran as quickly as possible to the opposite side of the bar. Hell hath no fury like a woman's scoarn I guess.

After their set, Votke, Meltzer, Nick, Ash, and I smoked a lot in the parking lot, and then went back and got trashed until the bar closed. At which time a bunch of the people I was hanging out with went to the park to smoke more, but I was tired and cold so on to the last bus I went. When I got home I slept very well.

ps- this is what the alphabet would look like if q and r were taken out.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Summer is just around the corner, and so are my enemies..

This is my new blog thingy. All are welcome except eskimos.

Newest new news: The tension is so thick in my hallway, you could cut it with a knife. Mmmm... a rusty dagger would be nice. The toolbags (Combonation of tools and douche bags) across the hall ratted us out because my friend ripped promotional ads down from the hallway, and wrote stupid crap on the dry erase board. The cops came and everything. It was very nerve racking. Now, they are sitting in their rooms oh so quietly. Little do they know what I have in mind. Mayhaps I'll shove naked pictures of Bea Arthur under their door. Wait, that might be too extreme. They didn't kill anyone or anything.

God damn, that shit is dumb anyway. Whatever happened to free speach! If I want to write Hail Lucifer 666 and draw pentagrams all over the dry erase board I damn well should be able to! All those losers do is sit in their room and play video games ALL THE TIME. They are always yelling and screaming derogatory terms. I hate them so much. They affirm my disgust in humanity every day. I can't wait to go home. Actually, that's not true. I just wish they would all get killed in some sort of freak accident or something. A fiery automobile crash would suffice.

In other news my sister's bachelorette party is going to be sheer and utter mayhem. I can't wait to shock her with the deviancy Kris, Colleen, and I have devised. Things are going to get pretty crazy. I want the stripper to be a cop or fireman or something. I hope his shlong is huge. Too big, in fact uncomfortably, shocking large would be ideal. I hope he "puts me under arrest" or has to "save my cat from the burning building" Wait, did that make sense? Oh wait, this is for her. Ok, well that's what the day spa is for. Covered...

In other other news finals are approaching faster than a twelve year old male ejaculates.
I am actually not worried at all. My classes were not very challenging this semester. Computer science worries me the most but I always went to lab, and got help with all the assignments so he likes me. That kind of accounts for everything in college. Good thing I'm so garsh darn likable.

I'll post again soon. Until next time go fuck yourselves.